I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
