i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
