I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
