I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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