I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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