how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
