But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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