happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
