just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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