I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
