I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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