i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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