shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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