What did we do last night that was yellow?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
