When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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