Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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