There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
