I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You don't make any sense
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