You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
