I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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