that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
