meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
