So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.