You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious