Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
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Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
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Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.