Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.