I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
