with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
