You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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