What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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