there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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