I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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