Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
