Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
