considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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