the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
