he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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