I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
