My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
