My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
