I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
