Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
