scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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