Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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