you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
