I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize