She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
