You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
