nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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