i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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