If that was your dad, he is hot
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize