Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
