just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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