wanna go halves on a baby?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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