Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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