I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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