Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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