You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
