Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
