I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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