i already hear my dad disowning me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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