no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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