If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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