It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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