I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
